In Which I talk about Art and Fear

Sometimes I can be a bit of a baby. I like things to be easy. I don’t like pain. I don’t like picking myself up again and starting all over. Whether it’s an emotional or physical fall. I like our routine to stay somewhat sort of normal. Of course, I use normal in the loosest way possible, if you know us at all, you would know that our life isn’t really normal.

_JDM0038

Our desktop computer died. And with it, the ease of using the big camera and the editing programs on the computer. I’ve shied away from the DSLR since then and have been using my iPhone’s camera. But I know that all I need to do is grab the big camera off the fridge and start using it. Then I can plug the card reader into the Macbook and go from there.

Sometimes creating stuff is hard. And sometimes I shy away from it because I’m scared. I’m worried that I won’t get it right or that I won’t understand on the first try how something works. I get frustrated when the idea in my head does not materialize in real life the way I thought it would. And so I stop. I stay on the floor, convincing myself that it’s okay. Sometimes it is okay to just stay but more often then not, I hold my own hand and get moving again.

Khaira collage

One of my goals for this year was to use the big camera more. It’s beautiful and just sitting there, waiting for me. Another goal was to create more and to be on my phone less.

It’s so easy to switch from the camera app to any other app or immediately instagram the moment I just captured. 15 minutes (or more) goes past and all I wanted to do was to freeze the light dancing in my little girls’ eyes.

And yet, I let the fear of not getting it right freeze my hands and the moment slips. 

Kilmenycollage

I grabbed the big camera this week to capture ten images on the tenth of March. The sun was shining, bright, healthy, life-giving sunshine. It showed up everywhere. And I remembered why I like taking pictures.

My little girls pose for me and say, “Mummy, take a picture.” They smile at me and then ask for a turn using the camera. They point their hands at me and tell me to smile, to look this way and I comply.

We’re all artists and light-chasers and capturers of beauty. And the fear can freeze all of us. But we can say no to those dementors, to those who would steal our happiness. We can create the happiest memories and the shadows will fall away.  

Have you been chasing the sunlight this week? Does creating art scare you?

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4 thoughts on “In Which I talk about Art and Fear

  1. It does scare me too! Especially when I think about sharing the art I make…like here on my blog. I’ve been trying to push through and let go of the fear. I’ve been reading a really good book by Brene Brown, called ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’. I’m really liking it. Her TED talks are amazing too…on this topic…about how we need to let ourselves be vulnerable in order to live a whole-hearted life. Good stuff…but so hard.

  2. Creating is absolutely terrifying sometimes, crippling and blinding. I’m so glad that you’re finding courage to press on making and documenting the beauties in your life. XO I’ve got some projects simmering away, waiting to be birthed, and I’m scared silly. :-) But I’ll get there. A friend and I were talking about this awful fear this week, and it comforted us to know that we don’t have to know how to succeed brilliantly, we just have to know how to try. :-) We’re darn good at trying. :-) So try we shall!! XO

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