I spend a lot of time in my girls’ room. Every morning finds us in there after the breakfast cleanup has been done and supper has been thought about (or not). I love seeing them in their natural habitat- trying on their shoes and then changing up their leggings for a dress so they can dance with their sparkly shoes. I love the way my littlest always brings a teacup over and sits close beside me, her eyes asking for what she can’t yet verbalize: a little bit of my tea.
I love the way the window fills with light. I draw the blinds back in every room, every morning, and especially in the winter months. I crave the sunlight. Yes, it shows the dust and that all the floors will need to be washed but it also shines through my girls’ hair and reflects in their eyes. It shows me all the beauty and the good that can be seen in a day if we look for it.
It reminds that there is beauty and that I can always choose to see it. Or I can see the dust and the floors and the mess and the constant ‘mama, mama, mama!!’
Sometimes I don’t feel like a brave mum. At all. I’m tired from late nights and early mornings with a feverish little one and from watching two Downton Abby episodes while cuddling her back to sleep. Even play dough seems like a walk on the wild side.
Sometimes I don’t think I’m a very good mum. I get short with the girls. I speak sharply. I don’t act gently. The three things my three year old is learning I need to learn as well.
Listen. Be gentle. Share.
This is the hard part. It’s not glamourous. It’s not that exciting. It’s play dough and stories. It’s snacks at 10 am and 3 pm and missed naptimes. It’s unpredictable from one day to the other. It’s a constant juggling act of keeping all the plates in the air and being okay to let some of them just go when you need too.
It’s being okay with people giving you that look when you say you’re a mum. It’s knowing that your job is never really done until it is and you want those days back. Or so I’m told.
It’s embracing these days and knowing that every day will be hard and require all of you.
And that’s why I love hanging out in my girls’ room. It reminds me of all the good in why I do this, why I love being their mummy even when I’m tired and creatively spent. The light warms my back and my kidlets snuggle close and bring me another book and we laugh when the tower of blocks is knocked over.
It’s tough, it’s hard and it is so very important. So from one mum in the trenches to another, good job today. I appreciate your contribution to the world my children will grow up in.
Where are your favorite places to see the good and to feel the warmth of the light?